ode to the joy of a couch

Note:  For the 33 of you that have already read the sleepy, first edition of  "Ode to the couch" blog, stick around for the photos.  For the rest of you...this is all new information.  Kisses.


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I'm coming to you live, from my new couch.  The one that feels like a velvet covered cloud and is the soothing color of a perfectly sweet creamed coffee.  We've had the couch for a week and 2 days and I haven't done one single bit of evening physical activity since this beautiful creature came in to our lives.  I cannot resist the chase lounge, the over stuffed pillows.  We've even spent the night on it.  Both of us. And we slept better than we do in our bed.  This could be very very bad.


I've caught up on about 5 tv shows that I never even heard of before.  Which is easy because I don't really watch tv.  I have accidentally found some tv I enjoy via the netflix, but hulu is a different game entirely.  Hulu and this couch have given me blogger's block.  Every time I belly up to my desk to write, I get tense and figity, distracted by the siren song of the couch and the hulu.


It took me a week and 2 days to give up the fight and cave completely, bringing the laptop to the couch.  My giant comfy blanket and my holiday jammie pants are made of the same material. I'm encased in velvety goodness, velcroed to this spot, peering over the top of my laptop fearful that the witch hunters will burn to to get rid of her dark magic.  Name the terrible CW show.


But the writer's block is gone:)  When you can't move your ass from the couch to the desk, bring the desk to the couch I guess.  And then write about said couch.  


This is no way to get ready for the Warrior Dash or a Tough Mudder or even the Pumpkin Festival 5k.  I feel an intervention coming.


Or, it could be that my body needs this little piece of heaven just now.  I have been crazy content, it's been building day by day since December.  I'm taking deeper breathes, reading books, cooking new meals from new cookbooks.  I'm journaling meals, complete with pictures, giddy with the idea that someday the girls will pick up this "cookbook" to find not only delish recipes, but their momma's sense of humor, and memories of how we always partied in the kitchen.  


I'm not crashing on the couch every night.  I'm sitting here reading.  Real books, from start to finish.  I've been reading the same 3 books for about 3 years.  This couch comes along and BAM!  New book done in less than a week.  This couch is making me smarter.  Fatter...but smarter.


When I'm not pining over furniture, some good work is getting done around here.  A massive purge of excess toys brought more organization to several rooms in our new house.  Finally, I feel like these rooms have their own purpose, a specific function rather than just places we dumped our stuff 6 months ago.  We've lived in a lot of houses over the last 10 years and each time, there is a moment when I realize the house has become our home.  When our people arrived last weekend for Autumn's 15 birthday, and everyone was settling into their rooms and tossing suitcases around like they would stay for ever...I felt that moment.  


I love walking by a room and seeing suitcases open, things tossed about.  It means someone is visiting:)


Fast forward 24 hours.  After a peaceful snowed in Sunday at home, I just jumped on here to enjoy some of my frick'n amazing chili and finish this blog.  Add some photos and call it good.  But what I saw was 33 page views.  For a blog post I did not send out into the universe. Except... I did.  In my couch drunk stupor, I must have "posted" the blog instead of "saved" it.

I am too cool.

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My girl turned 15 on January 17th. 15.  Fifteen.  Quince.  It blows my mind.  Of my three children, the story of how Autumn came to us is my favorite .  She was the unplanned game changer of my life.  In 3 minutes my life went from one of total self absorption to one of possibility.  The possibility of knowing love so intense and overwhelming, you lose yourself in it.  You would throw yourself in front of a freight train for it.  That 15 seconds of peeing on a stick, followed by 165 seconds of watching a second blue line appear, forged a bond between myself and that cluster of cells that would forever change the course of my life. In 3 minutes, I become a mother, without hesitation, reservation or regret.


By the time I got pregnant with Annika I knew I was capable of sharing this love with however many children the universe blessed me with.  


I knew I loved being pregnant and could rock it.


I had breastfeeding down.  I could feed nations.


I could work off the baby fat in 12 months with out sacrificing Mexican food. 


And when we decided to see if God and my old eggs could rally one last time, I was content with what I had, so Liam was the cherry on top.  He is ALL dessert baby.


And as much as I believe each of my children is nothing short of a miracle, the truth is that neither Annika or Liam would have ever even had a chance...without Autumn.


My girl.

Well hello baby girl. 

Look at my girl now.  Totally confident in her style...eat'n an apple.  I think she is the coolest.

My favorite part of birthday weekends?  The long, lazy mornings.

with superman...

and Grandmas...

Grandmas who wear Ed Hardy glasses rule.

Grandma's who wear Superman t-shirts rule.

and favorite cousins...

I'm not a big shopper.  As a matter of fact, you could know me for a very long time and never hear me utter the words "Let's go shopping!!"  No, it's typically more like "Ugh, I have to go shopping, will you go for me?"

But for some reason, my 3 Aries loves can sweet talk me into just about anything, even a Saturday of shopping.  How do they do it?

From left to right: Libra, Aries, Aries, Scorpio (me), Capricorn and... Aries.

The Aries.  They are lovely, complicated creatures.  I seem to be wildly attracted to them as well, even though as a Scorpio their over the top enthusiasm for life and right on the surface emotions require a lot of focus.

I have 4 Aries in my "inner circle" already, and I recently befriended another one without even realizing it. There is something going on here.  I'll get back to you when I complete my research:)

I love it when family hangs out in my kitchen.

And it always happens.  I've lived in houses where the kitchen is the smallest room in a tiny house and without fail, we end up piled high, sitting on counter tops and floors with wine in hand chatting away.  Standing room only, the rest of the house available, but no...the kitchen is the heart of the home in my family. 

My family + my husband's family + our family + eating a giant breakfast in my house = over the moon, swooning, gushing, cheesy joy! 

Yup.  We are home.

Speaking of my home.  I need your help.  

I have A LOT of windows that need A LOT of help in the window treatment department.  At the moment there are blinds on them.  I hate blinds. I'm grateful the former owners left them on, because this would be a giant fishbowl peep show if not for the terrible beige blinds.  But we aren't really "beige" blinds kind of people.

Having said that, I am struggling to find a beautiful, creative and affordable way to cover all these fracking windows.  I would like to spend less than 300.00, but so far that seems unlikely. 

The big issue is that anytime you are going to toss up this much fabric, it needs to not overwhelm the room.  I want to make them myself, but what fabric?!?!? 

There are more, I just can't get them all in the photo.

Please, please help a sister out.  

Happy Chinese New Year!  And don't forget to give my other little project some love when you can! XOXOXOXOXO

mommas

When you start here:

where can you go?


Maybe I should just stop. Let you soak it in. I've been drawn into that photo over and over again the last few days, wishing I could reach in and wrap those babies in my arms. But that hug wasn't for me, it was theirs, love from a brother to a sister. I'm just the lucky momma that was lurking close enough to catch a baby should he fall off the jungle gym...or catch this moment.


Maybe I have a few more for you...maybe I can go here:





Sometimes there just aren't words. Pain leaves a blinding white hole in the part of your brain where words should be. Grief smothers thoughts and words with the heaviest of weights , leaving only tears. Joy fills your brain with a massive jumble of words that fail to exit in any coherent manner.


That was this weekend. Joy...pure joy. There were times this weekend that I found myself suddenly and unexpectedly panicked that a person can only have so many of these moments... and aren't I surely getting close to my lifetime maximum? I did some quick math in the bathroom of Pazzaluna. If I live to be 85 (reasonable enough given the longevity in my family) I will still only have 46 years of this life left. That can't be enough time.


Enough time for nights like this:

Ericka Marker Schapekahm

BEST NIGHT EVER. How many of those is one allowed in a lifetime? Thanks chica for organizing an amazing night. Love you.

Melanie D Schmidt I agree! Last night was so much fun, I can't wait to do it again ;)

Teresa Evans Yay! I cannot stop smiling! I think that we can repeat that recipe to many, many more!

Teresa Evans Oh and I love you to pieces!

Teresa Evans

I could not of asked for a better night last night . . . amazing friends, amazing dinner, amazing theatre! I have perma-smile today! Thanks to all who came out. Those who missed out we will be doing it again for Panic at Park Square!

Barrett Evans

Weekend filled with yummy food (in belly and on stove and soon on the grill), the best of friends and family, plus theatre! Pure awesomeness.

No pictures of this night, but I could show you about 10 more Facebook posts that would add color to the story of our Saturday night in the city. Believe it or not, there are some things that trump getting "the shot." Like a pretty dress and sassy heels, big hair and heavily lined eyes. Sometimes a girl has to get tarted up a bit and a giant orange camera bag does NOT complete the look.


Running around the city, from restaurant to the theater, post performance chat with the director and actor, back to restaurant for late night happy hour. If you live in the city for no other reason, this is it. You can ditch the pony tail and yoga pants and become very cool in the time it takes to drive downtown. I love it. It is the perfect ying to my South Dakota yang. And to do it up with fellow So Dakers makes it even better. We may not cross paths in the cities very often, but when we do there aren't awkward moments of getting reacquainted, just jumping all in for the experience of the night. I think it is the SD connection that allows that to happen and I think it's magic. And then POOF...we are home, scrubbing off makeup at 2am, heels abandoned in the car, Spanx on the stairs, husband passed out on top of the bed covers, me praying he will stop snoring and the baby will sleep past 5am. But if he doesn't...it's okay...it was worth it.


Thank you to that group for always welcoming us in and making us feel like rock stars.


Not to be outdone by a Saturday night in the city, Sunday had some magic in store for us as well.


Our girls. Let me just tell you what our 11 & 14 year old daughters wanted to do Sunday:

• go to the nursery to pick out pepper & tomato plants
• garden
• work in the yard
• fabric trip for sewing projects (did that)
• make strawberry shortcake (did that)
• watch the rest of Jaws (did that)
• go for a family walk (did that)
• to the park (oh we did that)

I'm not sure what other 11 & 14 year old girls ask to do on the weekend, but I loooooove how mine roll. 


The family walk to the park begins:



Here is what I dig about this photo:


Annika - Dainty pink  flower Wellies, even though there isn't a lick of rain, prancing around in the grass, on the fringe, away from the baby stroller or the dog (i.e. work.)  The Aries...she needs to be free to flit and flutter as she sees fit.


Brandon - Signature brown hoodie. Strolling with his buddy, playing real life flash cards "CAR!" "BIRD!" "DOG!" Patient as the day is long with chatter box girls.


Autumn - My capable trustworthy Capricorn. In charge of the dog. Confident she is a dog whisperer. Confident in her new flaming red hair. The other mother in our house, monitoring cleaning projects, grocery needs and siblings.  My right hand, my old soul.


As pleasant a teenager as Autumn is...she is still a 14 year old girl.  And my request for a photo is usually met with a sigh and massive eye roll.  So, Saturday during morning chores, I ambushed her while she was cleaning my bathroom.  Boxed her in and got some photos!  




Those are the ones I am allowed to use.


Back to the park.
The first park trip of the spring. No words. But more photos, and even the teenager was down for some real shots. Drunk on sunshine I tell you, we all were.









I've said that Liam calls all three of us girls "momma" and it's true he does. If you show him a photos of all of us and ask where Autumn or Annika is, he will point at the correct beautiful face. But if you show him a photo and ask "who is that" his answer for any one of us is always "momma." Every single time I hear his little voice say that about my girls, I have to stifle a flood of tears that threaten to flow. I just can't imagine the love he must feel every day, from the moment he stirs in the morning to the last kiss he gets at night.  


Where Autumn had the awkward, overprotective, love of a first time mother, and Annika had the hectic love of a career mom shared with her sister...Liam has the undivided love and attention of his sisters.  I have arranged my life to better accommodate my mommy responsibilities...my mommy joys.  And Brandon...well he just wouldn't make choices that cut into family time. Liam came along at just the right time, lucky baby.


And while Autumn is most definitely the closest thing he has to a mother besides me, Annika is his constant companion. Those two...well...there are no words.





He is her constant shadow. He lives to be where she is, do what she does, make her laugh.  

Always just one step behind her...


Or at least trying his hardest...



Partners in crime. Annika sneaks him chocolate, crashes cars with him, snuggles in for a movie, hops in the tub with him and brings him into her bed early in the morning.



I am frequently overwhelmed with gratitude for being chosen to mother these babies. How is it possible that the girl that loudly and persistently declared she was never having children, would be given the opportunity to bring these divine creatures in the world and watch them grow. Watch them learn to love and experience love in return?

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you,
as you are to them.

~Desmond Tutu