What we have...

*WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS AN F-BOMBISH THING*

This week sucked.  Period.  Everyone but Brandon is sick...really sick.  Even a car is sick, Volvo died Monday.  Which means I'm on baby drop off and pick up duty. I can barely lift him, each time is a crap shoot and I'm worried one of these attempts will end in both of us on the ground.   And before anyone cries fowl on Brandon not driving me to work and Liam to daycare let me take a moment to tell you that with city traffic,  he would be on the road for about 3 hours a day doing that.  He has a job too:)


I'm gimping around with joint pain that sends me into orbit whenever I move, which pushed me to finally go to the doctor.  Who promptly scolded me for ignoring a boatload of symptoms that combined give her cause for concern. I told her I assumed I was just an overweight, tired,  overextended, momma of 3 and this was all normal:)   And here comes the worst part of the week...what she said to me after that:

"Ericka, you are 39...almost 40 years old.  At your age you can't ignore these things, it could be something serious."

Ugh.  There is so much about that sentence that I hate.  Do I even need to tell you?  Enter a crap ton of xrays and blood tests and no answers yet.


I missed Annika's special education assessment this morning.


A woman at work told me that my major dental issue I was so self conscious about didn't matter because "after 40 women are invisible anyway."  How depressing.  I don't want or need to be noticed per say...but I would like to think that at least my husband will notice me and if I am missing all my teeth.  And care.


Still, despite all this, I am feeling very blessed.  Here is a conversation on instant messenger, between my husband (Sleepwalker) and me (Honey Badger), about the stupid car:

Sleepwalker (him) says:

 I'm going to check all the fuses yet

 I checked every one of them under the hood, and some of them in the door, but haven't looked at any in the back yet

 that thing has a ridiculous number of fuses

HOney bAdger (me)  says:

 it's a space ship

Sleepwalker says:

 it really is, it's surprising I have to steer it

HOney bAdger says:

 maybe you don't

 you've just been driving it wrong

Sleepwalker says:

 one thing that's good though is how much I love you!

HOney bAdger says:

 awwwwww

 that was f*#@ing awesome

 thank you

Sleepwalker says:

we always have that baby

no matter how much other stuff sucks, I love you mucho

And just like the "My Mom Rocks" found on my mouse pad last week, this pretty much lifted the dumb, persistent little cloud hanging over my week. 

My apologies for the f'n hiemer.  Little known fact, I have been known to cuss like a sailor under certain circumstances.    I don't do it alot here, because this is always such a happy space for me.  Ask my kiddos though, it can fly out of my mouth all too quickly.  

The photo section of this post is dedicated to random goodness.  No long stories to go with them, just yummy photos of people and stuff I love.  Here we go:

I love freshly cleaned baby butts...

Holy cows do I love this guy...



I love to kiss this face aggressively.  Sometimes I'm afraid I'm going to accidentally eat him...



I love every birthday my Grandma has and how lucky our kids are to have her...



I love that she shares a birthday with my momma.  I love that she smashes aggressive kisses on my kiddos...



I love these two monkeys.  I mean seriously.






Liam loves Jessie.  Poor Jessie, takes alot of abuse, it can be worrisome to see him scold her and chuck her under the table.  This is where I found her.  Poor Jessie.



More Monkey love...






I love that we now all take over the farm and make the same big farm breakfasts that have always been made there,by the matriarchs.  Now it's the brother/sister cousins who own the kitchen.



I love all our kids playing.






I love these girls mucho.



And what a great auntie she is.



and I love spring and pretty spring dresses that show off pretty tattoos.  This one I got a few months before Maria passed away.  It is a tribute to her, with hundreds of little butterflies coming off a tree.  I am so glad I was able to show her and tell her the story behind the dream that inspired this tattoo.  



We are looking at a pretty wonderful spring weekend and no solid plans.  Maybe we'll kick it Old School:

"Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time. "

 That makes me very happy.  I hope you have a very happy weekend as well. 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

I Heart Faces Photo Challenge/ Slice of Life

Curses!!!  I missed the deadline to officially enter this week...curses.  But that won't stop me from sharing one of my favorite photo journalistic photos.  It's all love.



And since I'm breaking rules...why not one more?



I can't be stopped...





That feels GOOOOOOOOD!!! I'm all for a good portrait, but this is the stuff that makes my heart sing.

So much to sing about this week on:

http://www.iheartfaces.com/2011/03/lifestyle-photography-contest/

so what? I'm still a rock star...I've got my rock moves.

Our life, is always full of things to do or places to go. And the doing and going is great, we love it.  But some of the daily doing feels like mindless movement, lacking creativity or inspiration. But you do them because there has to be some kind of order to life, predictability for small people.  Like...that there will be clean underwear on Mondays, chores after school, homework hour after dinner, dog poop pickup every other day.   Zzzzzz, but necessary.  That is the mom stuff that, for me was learned. It did not come naturally.   Poor Autumn was my guinea pig and it took a few years for me to feel comfortable with predictability and routine.  It still feels like an itchy wool sweater in the summer, but I get it, it must be done.


I also made a classic rookie mom move...I over corrected.  For a second, I was all work and no play and too many parenting books and too many doctors.  Not nearly enough following my mom gut, my mom instinct. The one that told me my girls were mystical creatures, capable of magic.  What a waste of a couple of years.  Slowly I abandoned what didn't feel right to me and kept bits that felt like decent suppliments to my own momma style. And now...with the exception of the aforementioned ho hum "have toos" we pretty much rock some other routines that really matter.  Like chili and cilantro rice every Sunday, weekend morning dance parties, early morning donut runs, barefoot walks in the mud, singing in the rain, sleepovers always needing walking tacos, black nail polish and musical beds for cuddle time.


And the other morning, when I plopped down at my desk with some coffee, long before the sun or my family rose, I was greeted with proof positive that I must be doing a decent job:





There it is.  That is all I need...I'm done:)


For the record I happen to think my kids rock pretty hard too.





Even when they are sick and sleepy, which he has been for weeks now.

Poor baby can't stay awake...during the day.  But at night, oh hell yeah.

Even falling asleep in the shower.  Poor baby boy.

Another momma thing I realized about myself, well into this gig, is that I want to carry the torch of tradition for our family.  I know it's fairly cool to shed the corny traditions of grandparents and parents, but I happen to love the corn.  I'm currently in a mad dash to make sure I perfect the German dishes Grandma makes, can sew a kick ass apron, make enough canned goods for my family to use all winter (have not achieved that yet as I keep getting talked into giving things to poor souls who haven't yet discovered the joy of canning) and keeping a spider plant alive long enough to get those awesome spider baby balls that become plants themselves.  I swear my Grandma has a spider plant older than me.


Kuchen.

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's kuchen.  

Fondue.  NOT a German tradition, but fast becoming a tradition in our "Brosin" family.

Chicken and dumpling soup.



And just for good measure...a little sushi party with the Schapekams.  I know, there is so much that is confusing about that and I was skeptical myself.  Sushi...in New Ulm...in a home...made by a bunch of Germans.  I'm happy to report it was a hoot to make and a delight to eat (no raw fish ...smart move.) Plus, you gotta love big guys in flannel and stocking caps rolling sushi...you have to.








I believe you also have to love vintage toys at Grandmas.

Think these are old enough to have lead in the paint?  That's the only thing messing with my deep deep love for these.

and toddlers who can't stand to be held even for a second.  Especially not for a photo. 



And who love love love Sammy Jammies as after school car treats.

his bibs..."ready to bounce"  that makes me laugh.

Here is something I do not love. Early spring in the upper midwest. Blech. It's dirty and wet and cold and totally bipolar. Today my mom was in a tornado warning during the day and a blizzard warning after sunset. Dumb.

Hideous.  It looks like a giant ashtray snow cone.

But I want to end on more stuff I do love. One big item in particular.


Unexpected waves of peace.


Like last Wednesday when Brandon sent me a text that simply read "Headed to the airport." And just like that warm, comforting, peace washed over me. He was coming home to us. Nine years together and I still miss him even for the 12 hours we spend apart to work. I've got wicked crush on this guy.





Unexpected waves of peace.


Like it being warm enough on our roadtrip to the sushi party to put my barefeet up for a little minivan tanning session. Toasty.

black nail polish:)

Like looking up because you are annoyed with the sun in your eyes and realizing...holy crap it's the SUN!!!





I want to close with a facebook quote from a dear friend who deserves a giant wave of peace and who knows all too well how long and painful the wait for the sun has been this winter.

"Tis the season of rebirth and new beginnings. Welcome, Vernal Equinox, you have been eagerly awaited!"  Todd Mulvihill

Cleaning up after the Frog Princess

When I woke from my 60 day couch coma, I was confronted with this:





For most of the time I was checked out, I assumed my little clan was cruising along on cleaning autopilot, staying on top of potential disasters. I belong to the "nip it in the bud" school of thought when it comes to cleaning and believed I had sent my entire family to this same school. What is the saying?  "never assume..."  In reality they belong more to the "wait until it becomes a problem" cleaning school.  


Also, it never dawned on me that all the couch cuddling I was demanding was taking away from not just my productivity, but theirs as well. I guess I thought that after I passed out at 9pm, they were meeting in the kitchen and dutifully executing house work. And to be fair, they must have been a little, because the well worn path I took from door, to desk, to kitchen and finally couch looked pretty good. Clearly they know my hot spots and took great care to make sure I didn't have to stress about what I could easily see. But the rest of the house...


I could have taken similar photos of any room off the beat and path. And the laundry...oh my stars. The only way I can ensure not cussing a blue streak when discussing the laundry is to go totally poly anna and throw out things like "oh my stars."


In typical type A fashion, I decided the house in shambles had presented us with some great opportunities, teaching moments if you will.  Don't you wish your mom/wife was an HR professional?  In the mess, there were lessons to be learned about:

• Team building
• Organization
• Giving to others via donating...lots and lots of donating
• Time management
• Sanitation (gag)
• Food safety (double super gag...I'm not sure what it was)
• Patience
• Humility
• Kindness...wait...what?

Turns out when your family is trying their hardest to manage a household in the manner you would, it's not very kind to point out every moment they fall short of the glory. It's not very patient to skip over all the things they did do... to point out what they did not. And it takes a great deal of humility to return to your house after walking out in a huff, to hug your husband and say "I love you" and acknowledge that his priorities do not need to mirror yours.  And that even though it may not be my cleaning style, he and the girls did give it a shot:) 


I thought I was "back." I was.. only like the Terminator "I'm back", not the good kind. The terminator wasn't in control for very long, but while it was...EEEEK!  It's hard to admit you are wrong, especially when you are sort of right. But as hard as it may be, I know when I'm wrong and I needed put on my big girl pants and let the girls see an adult apologize, sincerely apologize. So I did and they responded with smiles and new found enthusiasm for getting our home back in order.   We are one week strong with no laundry piled up, tidy (ish) tween bedrooms and floors not adorned with "dog hair" throw rugs:)  NOW I'm back, with the good stuff. 


BONUS to cleaning up 2 months worth of randomly discarded stuff? You can find treasures.   Like the heartfelt poetry of a 10 year old frog princess (I've translated on the right for those of you who don't happen to speak 5th grade spelling very well)



Little miss Annika has a fairly wicked case of dyslexia, so for a very long time she hated reading and writing and flat out refused to even attempt either.  Grammy pants introduced her to Dick and Jane books and pretty bags of books with cool lights and kitty cat book marks...and her whole world changed.  I tried to make it intellectual, Grandma made it awesome.  And look at her now, a poet.


And an artist.

I'm dying for this to be me!!  I need spring and grass and to run around in my favorite skirts and apron with ugly gardening shoes...and a flower in my hand.  

Now instead of begging her to throw away old notebooks, I'm begging her to let me page through them for more treasures, more soul soothing words of wisdom from my Frog Princess.


Other little tidbits of yumminess:


Baby boy...in boy blue...eating blue berries for breakfast.








Watching Annika interview my Dad over the interwebs.





Stolen moments on the kitchen floor after dinner clean up.  Nerf gun = boys bonding.






Stolen moments on the dinning room floor after monster cookies.  Sugar rush + Cars = fun with sisters.



I'm planning some pretty fantastic stolen moments for this weekend!  Some spontaneous, craaazy moments beginning with...skipping work today:P  More to come. In the meantime, you should do something spontaneous and unpredictable today too...it's Friday!


* After posting edit...whatever you do on this blessed Friday, please squeeze in some prayer for the people of Japan.  If not prayer, then whatever you do to throw positive, healing energy out into the universe:) 

I Heart Faces Photo Contest/Best Face in February

I don't usually spend a lot of time setting up the shots I choose for this weekly contest, I try to let the photo speak for itself. And all I will say about this little face is that it kept many, many spirits up on what could have been a very heart heavy weekend. She is her Grandma's light here on earth.

More lovely faces at: