Precious Autumn Sunshine

"I cannot endure to waste anything as precious as autumn sunshine by staying in the house.
So I spend almost all the daylight hours in the open air.-  Nathaniel Hawthorne

And so it was in this spirit that my babies and I loaded up the suburban loser cruiser for yet another road trip to South Dakota.  It was a perfectly planned 4 day fall weekend away.  From having everything packed and ready to go the night before we left to scheduling parent teacher conferences back to back, on the way out of town.  This was a perfectly planned trip.~sigh~

The first sign of trouble...I showed up to Annika's conference an hour early.  I don't know why, other than I was so high on my brilliant planning and execution of this little vacation, I assume I was on autopilot.  The conference was scheduled for 10:50 am and at 9:45 am Annika and I were speed walking to the school.  All I saw in my head was my outlook calendar "10...conference."  During the walk home Annika quietly mentioned she knew we were early.  Why didn't she speak up?  "Mom...you know what you are like when you have a plan."  

Second red flag...I failed to get the picture I had planned all week of the departure.  The fall colors burning on the trees in our yard, the warm morning sunshine, new fun fall hats (rainbows, Kermit, pumpkin) and hoodies.  And the morning delivered, it was all there, but there was no time.  Somehow I lost time!!  Liam, the dog, maybe a lost phone charger...something sucked up picture time and suddenly we were now rushing to make it the conference I was just an hour early for!!!!  

Third...Autumn's conferences were painfully unorganized.  The teachers were at tables in the library and the idea was to plop down at the table...conference...move on to the next.  We made it to two tables in an hour.  Two...in an HOUR!  And she had 6 teachers there.  As I stood in line (after each conference you move to the back of the line for the next one) I started doing the math...we would be here all morning.  And as more parents showed up...I noticed they were too.  Suddenly, there was an air of desperation...and competition.  It began to look and feel like a game of musical chairs, without the music.  A chair would open and grown adults would run to it, cursing as someone plopped their behind in it with a smug grin.  

I looked at Autumn's report card.  It was fine...we left.  

As we pull away from the school, Autumn pulled out the 13 year old girl dramatics and declares that this is the worst start to a trip she can remember.  Immediately my cheerleader/human resource skills kicked in and everyone in the car endured a top notch motivational speech and I clicked some photos to commemorate the beginning of what I promise to be the best singalong, mad libs, movies in the car, junk food treats, golden fall sunshine in your face road trip!  

~sigh~ I had the wrong Hipstamatic lens on..but I still dig them.

Autumn took over the role of DJ and for a good 1.5 hours...we are girl party on wheels.  Liam fell asleep to the sweet musical stylings of his mom and sisters accompanying a rad 90's mix cd.  Noteworthy moment, Autumn discovers the Goo Goo Dolls:) = my heart sings:)

And really, this is the last carefree moment of my vacation.  Right at the halfway point, Autumn rolled down her window...she is getting car sick.  While it is a stunningly beautiful day, the breeze coming in from the window is chilly and it wakes up Liam.  Annika  yells at Autumn for walking the baby and making her cold.  Autumn gives Annika the choice between "having some fresh air in her face or some fresh vomit."  These words no more than leave her boca...and Liam starts to throw up.  Alot...over and over again.

I don't have many photos of the last 3 days, of the vomit and diarrhea.  Of the loads and loads of laundry my mom has been doing to keep up with the blow outs.  What I do have is this:

Liam destroyed his entire outfit while at the bookstore.  We had a little naked time in the van.

No wipes for this guy, just a good hosing down in the laundry room sink.

We tried...and failed to do many things the first day or so but ultimately it was clear this time would be spent holding baby boy and trying to keep his tush from exploding.  He has been in a good mood despite his digestive issues...he is such a funny baby.  So what if we can't shop?  We still got to pretend Grandpa's calculator is the coolest phone ever.

Liam and I were up early waiting patiently for the sunrise.  When it came, it brought with it cool pinks and blues.  And I realized the leaves are gone, the crazy fall wind has taken them all away leaving the trees gray and naked.  It was cold, and so quiet.  

And I wanted to get back inside and cuddle my warm little man.  And a sense of loss took my breath away.  The colors of fall are already gone and with them the buzz of fall.  The warm sunrise on my face...is gone and replaced by the cold, blue wind of the pending winter.  My friend Michelle is gone too and I'm overwhelmed by the thought of a locked in winter without her voice to bring light to us.  

It's amazing... how in our busy, hectic lives, we can deal with all this loss so gracefully and routinely, until a moment like this...when a simple sunrise shines it's light on change and loss and sickness...the cool blue & gray tones life.  These colors aren't lively or loud, they don't scream adventure and joy, but they are life none the less.  They are the quiet, the difficult, the contemplative, the sorrowful & peaceful...just as deeply felt.  

Share your wisdom with me oh wise old tree...

"Oh sorrowful child...what we do know...

"...is this too shall pass."

Rest in peace my dear friend.