where can you go?
Maybe I should just stop. Let you soak it in. I've been drawn into that photo over and over again the last few days, wishing I could reach in and wrap those babies in my arms. But that hug wasn't for me, it was theirs, love from a brother to a sister. I'm just the lucky momma that was lurking close enough to catch a baby should he fall off the jungle gym...or catch this moment.
Maybe I have a few more for you...maybe I can go here:
Sometimes there just aren't words. Pain leaves a blinding white hole in the part of your brain where words should be. Grief smothers thoughts and words with the heaviest of weights , leaving only tears. Joy fills your brain with a massive jumble of words that fail to exit in any coherent manner.
That was this weekend. Joy...pure joy. There were times this weekend that I found myself suddenly and unexpectedly panicked that a person can only have so many of these moments... and aren't I surely getting close to my lifetime maximum? I did some quick math in the bathroom of Pazzaluna. If I live to be 85 (reasonable enough given the longevity in my family) I will still only have 46 years of this life left. That can't be enough time.
Enough time for nights like this:
Ericka Marker Schapekahm
BEST NIGHT EVER. How many of those is one allowed in a lifetime? Thanks chica for organizing an amazing night. Love you.
Melanie D Schmidt I agree! Last night was so much fun, I can't wait to do it again ;)
Teresa Evans Yay! I cannot stop smiling! I think that we can repeat that recipe to many, many more!
Teresa Evans Oh and I love you to pieces!
Teresa Evans
I could not of asked for a better night last night . . . amazing friends, amazing dinner, amazing theatre! I have perma-smile today! Thanks to all who came out. Those who missed out we will be doing it again for Panic at Park Square!
Barrett Evans
Weekend filled with yummy food (in belly and on stove and soon on the grill), the best of friends and family, plus theatre! Pure awesomeness.
No pictures of this night, but I could show you about 10 more Facebook posts that would add color to the story of our Saturday night in the city. Believe it or not, there are some things that trump getting "the shot." Like a pretty dress and sassy heels, big hair and heavily lined eyes. Sometimes a girl has to get tarted up a bit and a giant orange camera bag does NOT complete the look.
Running around the city, from restaurant to the theater, post performance chat with the director and actor, back to restaurant for late night happy hour. If you live in the city for no other reason, this is it. You can ditch the pony tail and yoga pants and become very cool in the time it takes to drive downtown. I love it. It is the perfect ying to my South Dakota yang. And to do it up with fellow So Dakers makes it even better. We may not cross paths in the cities very often, but when we do there aren't awkward moments of getting reacquainted, just jumping all in for the experience of the night. I think it is the SD connection that allows that to happen and I think it's magic. And then POOF...we are home, scrubbing off makeup at 2am, heels abandoned in the car, Spanx on the stairs, husband passed out on top of the bed covers, me praying he will stop snoring and the baby will sleep past 5am. But if he doesn't...it's okay...it was worth it.
Thank you to that group for always welcoming us in and making us feel like rock stars.
Not to be outdone by a Saturday night in the city, Sunday had some magic in store for us as well.
Our girls. Let me just tell you what our 11 & 14 year old daughters wanted to do Sunday:
- go to the nursery to pick out pepper & tomato plants
- garden
- work in the yard
- fabric trip for sewing projects (did that)
- make strawberry shortcake (did that)
- watch the rest of Jaws (did that)
- go for a family walk (did that)
- to the park (oh we did that)
The family walk to the park begins:
Here is what I dig about this photo:
Annika - Dainty pink flower Wellies, even though there isn't a lick of rain, prancing around in the grass, on the fringe, away from the baby stroller or the dog (i.e. work.) The Aries...she needs to be free to flit and flutter as she sees fit.
Brandon - Signature brown hoodie. Strolling with his buddy, playing real life flash cards "CAR!" "BIRD!" "DOG!" Patient as the day is long with chatter box girls.
Autumn - My capable trustworthy Capricorn. In charge of the dog. Confident she is a dog whisperer. Confident in her new flaming red hair. The other mother in our house, monitoring cleaning projects, grocery needs and siblings. My right hand, my old soul.
As pleasant a teenager as Autumn is...she is still a 14 year old girl. And my request for a photo is usually met with a sigh and massive eye roll. So, Saturday during morning chores, I ambushed her while she was cleaning my bathroom. Boxed her in and got some photos!
Those are the ones I am allowed to use.
Back to the park.
The first park trip of the spring. No words. But more photos, and even the teenager was down for some real shots. Drunk on sunshine I tell you, we all were.
I've said that Liam calls all three of us girls "momma" and it's true he does. If you show him a photos of all of us and ask where Autumn or Annika is, he will point at the correct beautiful face. But if you show him a photo and ask "who is that" his answer for any one of us is always "momma." Every single time I hear his little voice say that about my girls, I have to stifle a flood of tears that threaten to flow. I just can't imagine the love he must feel every day, from the moment he stirs in the morning to the last kiss he gets at night.
Where Autumn had the awkward, overprotective, love of a first time mother, and Annika had the hectic love of a career mom shared with her sister...Liam has the undivided love and attention of his sisters. I have arranged my life to better accommodate my mommy responsibilities...my mommy joys. And Brandon...well he just wouldn't make choices that cut into family time. Liam came along at just the right time, lucky baby.
And while Autumn is most definitely the closest thing he has to a mother besides me, Annika is his constant companion. Those two...well...there are no words.
He is her constant shadow. He lives to be where she is, do what she does, make her laugh.
Always just one step behind her...
Or at least trying his hardest...
Partners in crime. Annika sneaks him chocolate, crashes cars with him, snuggles in for a movie, hops in the tub with him and brings him into her bed early in the morning.
I am frequently overwhelmed with gratitude for being chosen to mother these babies. How is it possible that the girl that loudly and persistently declared she was never having children, would be given the opportunity to bring these divine creatures in the world and watch them grow. Watch them learn to love and experience love in return?
You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you,
as you are to them.
~Desmond Tutu
3 comments:
Thank you Ericka, beautiful read, and beautiful pictures of your babies. And thank you for sharing them with me and your Father. They are keeping us young! :)
The 3rd time is the charm! :P This must be true because this is terrific. I love it babe!
There must have been a reason for this to be the version that posted. Thanks baby!
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