The last hour has been a text book example of why people may choose to not breed. I’m absolutely positive it is a text book example of why childless adults stare/glare/ scowl at us breeders. Even though we did NOT bring our 3 children into the truck stop (we know better and quite honestly don’t ever want to deal with that mess) we still managed to hold up about 10 weary travelers while we stood at the Caribou kiosk and ordered 5 different blended drinks, with very specific substitutions, in our own cups that they had to rinse.
We did it again as we ordered lunch for all 5 of us at the Subway kiosk.
And again at the regular check out as we grabbed, bought, changed our minds, grabbed, got sodas and road trip games, activities. People began to pile up behind us, heavy sighing as we quickly debated the merits of a Sudoku book vs. a cross word puzzle book.
When we are in total "parents on a road trip mode”, we don’t resemble the smart, professional people we are.
And when those stuck behind us in line exit the store to see the van doors open, toddler screaming, teenagers bickering about who has to sit by the dog I see them either smile sympathetically or roll their eyes in an exaggerated “ugh figures.” It’s okay, I get it. And at that moment, I’d rather sneak into their car and hide on the floor in the backseat, a stow away on my way to adventure. Because surely, their life is simple, sexy and glamorous whereas mine is hectic and sticky and smells like dog farts.
But then, we get to this part. Where everyone is fed and watered and I’ve already done my once a trip seat climb from the front of the van to the back because a teenager cannot seem to find something in my camera bag or Brandon’s backpack. This part…where the baby has finally stopped telling me he is “stuck” in his car seat and “momma help!” him get out “pweeez?” He’s asleep.
The girls aren’t fighting about seats.
Some progressive rock is moving the trip along nicely. A little Arriving Anywhere But Here seems appropriate.
And I’m finally getting some writing peace.
But any second now, someone will have to pee.
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I have a Bachelors of Science in Political Science + it’s an election year = I’m in my element. I’d argue in the both the best and worst possible ways. In 2008 I had to stop watching cable news, I couldn’t unplug and my husband was going to have me committed. In 1012 it’s political blogs and FB pages. And it’s even harder to unplug and for a second my FB page transformed into a rather sarcastic, somewhat hateful politics page. I am angry about a lot of things and armed with like minded FB pages to feed my monster 24/7 I went on a bit of an election year politics bender. I feel sorry for my husband, having to live up to my level of outrage. I have let him off the hook, not everyone has to get into every battle, but it seems I do.
I’m not bringing politics to the Nerd Herd blog, because this place is a fairly neutral happy place, where our human similarities an appreciation for our differences are celebrated. That is as true as it is cheesy because unlike the real world, I can set the rules here and my rules are that this is a peaceful place. Diversity, co-exist, mother nature, WWJD…all of it…welcome here.
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If there is one thing that has brought some sanity to my politically clouded mind lately its this glorious spring. Projects above and beyond the gardens are taking shape and piling up.
A garden shed under the deck.
A long weekend in Chicago.
The hunt for a cheap used pickup to haul garden/lawn waste.
A dog poop composter.
Farm projects like painting and refinishing hardwood floors.
Teaching Autumn to drive.
Training for the Warrior Dash.
Getting my back fixed.
This spring feels more like a new year…full of resolutions and a new beginning.
I’m not able to explain why, but when the gray blanket of winter lifted this year, I finally felt the relief and renewal that I’ve been waiting for since the 4 months in which Michelle and Maria both passed away. I’ve waiting anxiously for each season change, hoping to feel the “starting over” begin, but it never did.
Not even the move could bring a clean slate as leaving my cousin behind felt like abandoning him. Starting a new career sat 39 felt scary and risky.
But for some reason, it came with the warm days and sunshine of this spring. To be honest, it felt like the cloud lifted while we were in Las Vegas. I felt like a lot of things turned a corner there. I finally felt vested in the business, like I had a place in it where I was value added. I felt a shift in my relationship with my parents, from child who needs them to adult child who needs to care for them, to take some of the burden off their shoulders. I felt a shift with my baby boy, who was just fine without mommy for an entire week, just chill’n with his daddy. Autumn and I hung out like girlfriends, walking the strip until midnight, talking about school and photography and college plans.
I feel lighter and like I have a clearer purpose again. I’m not blowing around in the wind so much anymore, looking for something that feels permanent, something to hang on to until the storm is over. I feel more anchored, more secure.
And even though there are still very difficult things on the horizon, I feel like, to some degree, I've learned how this works, how to handle hard things. At least a little. Enough that maybe when the next thing comes, I won’t blow around in the wind for so long, lost to peace. And maybe I can even help someone else find their way.
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Spring peace:
I'm a grape growing newb, so this was my first grape pruning ever. I'm so excited for this new growing adventure. If you are an experienced grap grower or jelly maker, I'm looking for a mentor!
We got a little crazy this weekend and took off on a last minute road trip. Our kids are finally old enough that we can actually pull off a somewhat spontaneous excursion. The directions went something like "throw some clean undies and snacks in a backpack! We're going to Minnesota!" It felt good. Just taking off, with very few things make me feel free, like I did in college, when I lived in a tent with my cat Chester Stubbs. And I want to teach my babies how to feel free, to be allowed to let go of "stuff", to walk away from real life once and a while.
Me thinks Liam has it in him.
And his dad...maybe does? Sort of?
It's the Naven Johnson list of things you need and then hit the road. All I need is clean skivvies, fruit leathers, sesame trail mix and a diet rite. Oh...and a bottle of wine for when we get there. And toys...
Is there anything better than two little boys who make fast friends over superhero action figures?
And him...
This has to be the best conversation Grandma Janine had all week.
And this the best wrestling match all week.
And wouldn't ya know it...an old bus, just sitting in the alley across from grandma's birthday party, begging for a family to gather around for a photo. Who am I to deny an old school bus some love?
Today my Mom and Grandma share a birthday. How fantastic is that gift...a baby on your birthday? We all converged on the family farm a couple of weekends to celebrate. Do you feel a party blog on the horizon? It's coming soon:)
But today...on her actual birthday, my mom is on the road, returning from her childhood home. She had to move her father into a nursing home, but first there was an ambulance ride and a 5 day stay in the hospital. It's been a tough week, not really birthday material.
She told me recently, that she is only now really feeling like a grown up. I can believe that. I can believe that everything else, having a big girl job, paying off cars, getting married, buying a house and raising children, can feel like playing grown up when compared to making decisions about how to best care for your 90 year old father. How to support your mother as she sleeps alone in an apartment for the first time in 68 years.
Yup, it's been a tough week and not really birthday material. I worry that mom feels like she is blowing around in the wind, with no safe place to go. The way I felt for so long. When she gets home tonight, I will offer up my little family as a safe place to park and recover a little. Maybe we can pack some clean undies and some fruit leathers and take a little trip, make her feel a little less like a grown up..if only for just a little while.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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