my shorts

Hola! from booful kimass land.  That's what our little village in SD is called on our way home from daycare everyday.  "Oh Momma!  Oh booful kimass!"  I will drive in circles, down every street I see even a hint of kimass lights, to hear his little voice exclaim the beauty of Christmas.  And when a block goes dark for a house or two?  "Oh no Momma!  Where kimass go?!?!"  Kimass, where are you?"  That voice...I win either way.


We hung probably the most amazing wreath ever at work today.  It was a gift to our company and honestly just stunning.   When it was finally up, I stood in the middle of a noon rush, coffee lovers on one side, road warriors on the other, and exclaimed "OH KIMASS!  IT BOOFUL!"  I can only believe I'm a joy to have around.  No picture here, but check out my other blog later:)


I'm thinking in shorts these days.  I'm feeling in shorts these days. By "shorts" I mean that I feel like I am moving along at mach speed, barely touching the surface of the earth.  It's all good, I feel joy and love and pride and accomplishment, but it's all just whizzing by.  And if I look back at the last year, it becomes a blur.  Life changing decisions were made, we took off on a great new adventure, left the city to make a home in a small town and couldn't take our people with us.  I look at us now and still know it was the right time and we are happy here.  But we are moving at mach speed. Which only leaves time for these shorts.


What the hell are "shorts"?  They are the moments when I feel deeply connected to what is going on around me.  Or when I recall a memory that lives so vividly in my mind and heart, that I can live in every minute detail when I bring to the front of my mind.  


I used to live in those connected moments all day, every day.  I maybe had a small disconnect here and there while at work, but even then my job as a Human Resources professional largely left me knee deep in moments with people, connecting with them.  But that is not what I'm talking about.  What I'm talking about is the fact that for a very long time, I was blessed with years and years... of seemingly endless moments of the planets aligning and everything always turning out perfect.  Feel free to vomit now.


I can tell you that was not the reality, but even in times when anyone would argue my life was swirling around the toilet bowl, I was connected to the meaning of what was happening, why it was happening and how it would turn out for the best.  There was always  some control, and therefore, always the ability to pause...connect...ponder the meaning...and move forward.


So when things outside my control started to happen, it messed up my mojo a bit.  


Over this last year, here on my little bloggity blog I've referred to these shorter moments as finding the "sparkle" again.  And maybe if you read my posts again, there are other metaphors for these shorts out there.  I'm sure.  But recently I've been thinking and feeling in short bursts so much I had to name the feeling. 


::
A birthday short:
I cannot stop thinking about my birthday.   I relive looking up from my Caribou "teaching and training" moment and seeing their faces and yelling "WHAT?!?!?!?"  And then crying and running. And the dancing and waking up knowing they were in my house.  The birthday dinner, the missed football game and happy hour beers, the perfect music mix which began with "Invincible" by Pat Benatar.  I yelled "oh Autumn...you HAVE to see the legend of Billy Jean!"  and having Barrett magically appear with it in his hand.  The tattoo.


Perfectly connected moments, like a higher power was orchestrating our every move.


I also kept the perfect birthday card.  
My sister in law brought it to work and I read it and laughed.  But later, when I read it again I thought...it's perfect.  It may be the most perfect card I've ever gotten.  So it sits... on my desk at home and I laugh every time I see it, and I show it people who come over.  And they agree that it is perfect.


Christmas shorts:
The daily drive home from daycare...or what I call "The Center".  I happily take the detour every day because his joy touches deep roots in my Christmas soul.  It feeds my holiday freak every day.


 


Oddly enough, wrapping presents late last night while my husband lay sick on the couch next to me also fell into the category of good stuff.  The Christmas freak and the nurturing wife freak were both getting their fix of connecting to a moment.  I love it when my husband needs me.  Like...really needs me.


Homemade gifts ground me. Even though I always...always end up in a hot mess of panicked all nighters, I see the finish line and know that handing over a hand made gift feels just slightly better.  The time I spend at a table crafting a gift is time I'm forced to slow down and re prioritize things.  It feels good to choose to get in over my head on a gift.

MAN DOWN AT THE CRAFTING TABLE!!!

 

Work/career shorts:
These are tough these days because it is this 50+ hours a week that is driving the faster than the speed of light bus.  It won't always be this way, but it will be for the next several years.  Here, there are mere seconds where I can pause and feel the roots dig in and connect to a task, or a work center, or an accomplishment.  But the second is over in a flash, replace by "great but...how do you make it better."  It's good.  It's tough...but it's good.


Family shorts:
Here is where I'm getting the most bang for my buck. My time with my daughters cannot fall into the "short" category.  These days, my Autumn Zoe and my Annika Willow are my roots.  The move  and the change that came with it have bonded us together in a way that resembles their infancy.  Right now, we are a team, every day, mother/daughters.  There is open and honest dialogue, openness to my advice, a need for each other to remind us of our roots, our beliefs, our sense of what is right and what is not.  Daily I feel Autumn reach out us for support when she is going to go against the norm at school and for now our support is all the strength she needs to stay true to herself.


   


For our  family, these are good, strong days. 




And then there is moving home, being near my parents, near my grandparents.  There really aren't words to describe how right that was, how necessary for all of us.  If you have been away from home for a spell, and are struggling with the thought of going back...do it.  Everything is temporary, you can always leave again.  But go home at least once.

And right now, in this very moment I'm uber connected.  It is reason #1 I blog...to sit quietly and contemplate this life I'm living.  I don't always publish what I write, but I always write.  And regardless of what comes out, I'm always more grateful for this life after I've spent some time here. 


Photo shorts ::


Oh the joys of little girls and little boys this time of year.

A perfect holiday short:  One night, as I'm drinking eggnog out of my new thrift shop holiday mug, Autumn says, "I wish I had a big fun mug to drink hot chocolate out of."

 

BOOM! Another thrift shop find.  It's a regular Christmas miracle.

Addiction short: Someday you will see me on Intervention as my family and friends desperately try to express how my addiction to little Laughing Cow cheeses has negatively effected them.  This photo is a cry for help.


It's the holiday season, time for me to dig in and stop with the shorts. Time to take the time to pause and connect.




 T minus 9 days until Christmas for us and however many days until you celebrate your seasonal connections. Dig in baby. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

booyah

Dear Diary - 
Tonight I made a delish meal in our new house and called my mom to come over for dinner.  Because I can:) Because we live in the same town.  Booyah.


I've written the opening sentence to this blog post no fewer than 50 times.  It's been 27 days since my last blog post.  Well, one that wasn't a photo challenge.  Anyway, it's not a big deal.  To the world I mean.  It's not even that big a deal to those that check in here once in a while.  Most of them (you) know me and know that I moved to another planet.  Sometimes it feels that way.  But it's a cool planet and my parents live here, so that's nice.


So yeah, in the grand scheme of things, 27 days without a  blog post from the leader of the nerd herd is no biggy.  Except to her (me).


If you blog, you do it for a reason.  For the emotional outlet, the attention, the creative outlet, the sharing, the crafting, the adoration of your doting mother who thinks you are the most brilliant writer since writing was invented.  Unless of course you have a fantabulous skill like sewing or baking and photography and you really do have something amazing to teach the world.  That is not why I blog (see reasons before having a skill).


For me blogging is a joyous mental dump of what is in my heart, my mind and often my camera.  I honestly started doing it strictly for myself.  I wanted to somehow preserve the flow of positive energy that comes from my babies and my husband. My cousin brothers and their families.  My parents, my Aunts.  The city, the farm.   About the same time I started this blog, I edited my Facebook profile "about me" section to simply read

"I am happy"

For reasons unknown to me still, I felt a push to document joy.  Love.  Support.  Family.  Positive energy.  Cheese.


And then...things changed.  As they do.  And so much was lost and suddenly I was documenting things that were so very different.  Sadness.  Loss.  Heartache.  Strength.  Courage.  Tears.  Fear.  Change.


And still there was Joy.  Love.  Support.  Family...cheese.


In the last 27 days, we've plowed through a change that was somewhat unplanned and fairly spontaneous.  I abandoned my career to come home.  I asked my husband to do the same, to abandon his career and come home with me.  To leave his home.  I asked my kids to leave the first home they have known and first close friends they  made and trust me when I told them this would be awesome.  It feels good, it feels right, but it feels very different.  For the first time in a long time, I'm intimidated by what's in front of me.  Time to grow again.  Life...phase 4.


Tonight, I write from my desk in my home office in the great state of South Dakota.  I have 15 windows surrounding me in this office...it's incredible.  Every night I sit here with the shades open, marveling at how dark it is in South Dakota.  There are so many stars here.  And they are so quiet.  At times it does feel like another planet.


The only other thing I can see is the word "Inspire" hanging on the wall.  Yes, time to grow again.  Phase 4.

What I did this summer by Fricka...leader of the nerd herd.

I took my son out in a white onesie all the time because the heat of hell has come to the Midwest.

I let him plop in the kiddie pool in all his clothes for the very same reason.


I begged Grandma to come over every single weekend so we could pack.

I waited very impatiently for him to come home whenever he could.

I wished I hadn't unpacked 3 years ago.

I promised her she will be fine in her new school.

I dreamed of my new office in my new house.

I went to back to corporate school and learned corporate stuffs.

I laughed at muffin jokes.


And promised Baby Calvin his new house would fit him better.  It does.

I ate way too many treats.

I made the trip to see, to paint and to move.

I came home.

some days you gotta dance

live it up when you get the chance

Happiness is a wine induced, impromptu Just Dance 2 party.

Cause when the world doesn't make no sense

and you're feeling just a little too tense

Gotta loosen up those chains and dance

Followed by a wine induced, impromptu sex talk with my girls. True story.

Aunt TT and I were dropping some knowledge on them. 

And then more dancing...



It's a beautiful day to loosen up those chains and dance.


That is all.