Before I lay me down to sleep...

Why am I awake at 10pm?  A question for the ages.  My alarm, be it Liam or the clock will wake me up at 5am, with no regard with how I spent my time the night before.  Ruthless.  I sit here in the brutal light of my computer, the always present faux waves in the background on the baby monitor, inspired but tired.  I wonder how many truly inspired works of art we never see because they live in the minds of tired mothers.  Mothers who pause in the midst of the whirlwind of their day and think a single, clear, poetic though to be written, photographed or sung later, only to tuck it away in their dreams as they pass out on the couch at the end of the day.  While this blog may not qualify as an inspired work, it is often my only clear thought for the day and more often than not, it gets tucked in at night, never to see the light of day.  Tonight though, I am toughing it out to give Internet life to photos that make me smile.

This photo makes me exceedingly happy because it contains what I believe to be some absolute requirements for a content life...books, and a little red rocking chair.

This is Liam's space, my little book worm.  Anywhere he can spread out his books, becomes the most exciting place in the universe for him...and me. 

For him right now, the world exists in two places:  the arms of his family as we connect the monkey noise with the monkey face and in books.  God bless him.

For Annika, who is on the brink of so many difficult and wonderful changes, her room is her sanctuary.   A place where a 10 year old girl can take off her training bra and still play with her baby dolls.  A place where a laptop and old coloring books can live in harmony. 

A place where a girl can invite her 13 month old brother, her mom and her dad in to play animals.

And who doesn't love to play animals? 

I take a fair amount of crap about being over protective of my girls.  I have been accused of raising very smart, but nerdy kids.  Funny, but slightly inappropriate.  They know about the world and in fact have a better than average understanding of politics, religion, sex and the world they live in.  Logic & reason balanced with passion and curiosity.   Yet we don't allow them to watch cable news, or even much tv at all.  They don't have facebooks, and they spend a TON of time with their family.  Oh and they have daily & weekly chores.  Oh the horror!!!

And when Autumn's OCD mom isn't making her clean out her closet...what is my stunning 13 year old doing?  

Knitting & sewing of course.  Just like all 13 year old girls in the city........no?

It's difficult to capture the elusive 13 year old on film.  They are like vampires and a good picture of me...nearly impossible to catch a glimpse of.   I can tell you this, she was there when I made the salsa this weekend. 

When it comes to cooking, baking, canning...she is always there with her hair in a ponytail and an apron on, begging to learn how.  "How does great Grandma make those brownies?"  "How do you can salsa and pickles?"  "How do you just make up recipes mom?"  She is in my most peaceful space, my shadow, making me feel like a master chef, when really, I'm just winging it.

Almost everything that is important happens in my  kitchen.  The most heartfelt, life changing conversations I've ever had with my baby girls have happened in my kitchen, this one in particular as they have become young women in this house.  

I found out I was pregnant in this kitchen.  I left the stick on the bathroom counter and instructed my husband to look  as I was sick of seeing negative pregnancy tests.  It was in my kitchen that he laughed and smiled....and I jumped into his arms.
 

I love my stove and think my dishwasher is sexy.  But at the moment, I have a wicked crush on my kitchen windows. 

My mom knows how to shop for me better than I do:)  See the blue bird house out there on the fence?  Autumn made that.

There are so many spaces in our house that deserve a photograph and a story.  But for tonight, they are coming to bed with me, victims of the sleepy.   It's now 10:58pm and I am on the brink of turning into a pumpkin. 

Flying

It happened.  Sometime, in the middle of last week when my family and I were living in self imposed isolation, stricken with multiple communicable illnesses...fall came.  Typical of this last year, I was so busy with life, I almost missed it.  It almost came without me noticing the new chill in the morning (and Lord knows I was up in the mornings.)  Without noticing the crunchy leaves on my deck, just a few, but crunchy leaves non the less. Thankfully I opened my pink eyes long enough one hectic morning last weekend to notice my breath in the air.  OH JOY!!  Though short lived, that lovely encounter with my favorite season helped shake me out of my sick coma and muster the strength to adorn my house with my favorite rust colored table cloth, fall runners, wooden pumpkin crate candles and of course...pumpkins.  Typically this is a family event, a ritual in which I beg everyone to indulge me my cheesy moment and they pretend it's a pain...but they love it.  Witness their sadness this year as they all stumbled out of their sick beds only to realize the job was done:( 

The coming of fall is still very subtle, leaves are yellow/green and just starting to curl up, there are still days that come dangerously close to 70 degrees and I still haven't made it to the dry cleaners to pick up my fall coats.  Today I needed a coat for the first time and was absolutely giddy putting on my brown corduroy coat.  It doesn't take much to send me right into happy time orbit.

 Everyone in my house went to a place today for the first time in a week.  A school or work, daycare or even just to our home office.   They got out of bed, bathed themselves, put on sterilized clothing and left the house.  What soldiers.  And we're moving....

We're watching football...in our diapers.

We ventured out to a wonderful fall wedding...

Daddy taught Liam to fly...

Do you think he is saying "I am I am I am superman, and I can do anything."
Beautiful friends.

Liam loved the wedding dance.  The enormous checkerboard dance floor, the endless bass beats and a gaggle of little girls in pretty dresses.  He was a dancing machine.

And talk about your perfect Sundays.  Lots of chill'n with Grandma.

  And firefighting with Grandpa. 

And on the way home we stopped at every tomato stand, every pumpkin patch and every apple orchard.  It took us twice as long to get home, but we took in a full fall Sunday, complete with listening to the game on scratchy am radio all the way home.  And there is still so much more to come!

I feel like I'm wrapping up summer's loose ends.  The first day of school came and went, but it was missing the back to school buzz...that electric feeling, knowing you are a clean slate, capable of absolutely anything this school year! Even 20 years later, I still feel that way when I drop my babies off at the front door every year.  School doesn't start until 9:40 am  this year.  9:40 does not provide the warm morning light or the crisp clean air.  9:40 in late August is hot, and the only real feeling we kept having was "is it time yet?"  The girls were up and ready by 7:30am, but there was no parade of parents and kids walking past our door, talking excitedly, no school buses or minivans whizzing by our front door.  Our community school is only 2 blocks from our home, we have the best seat on the parade route.  And as the morning drug on, I had to close the windows because it was too HOT outside to keep them open  ((sigh.))   First day of school photos saved the day, in a big way.  All minor disappointments were forgotten once Autumn dutifully positioned herself in front of the "back to school" tree....and smiled an award winning first day of school smile for her momma.  

And not to be outdone...my baby girl did a number on my heart too.

Summer's loose ends...like a sick baby.  Liam has spent the entire summer sick or teething (I'll take sick over teething every time.)  I got to play hookie from work two days this week to cuddle with my baby boy.  Pink eye, sore throat, fever & molars. 

Even in the middle of that crap sandwich, we smiled.  He has a little smile on there.

Other summer loose ends...weekend fun with the best Aunt and Uncle ever.

Sooooo true.

And of course barefoot, walks to the park.

Double fisting the fruit bars!

Creative ways to water the dog.

And finally...the annual day at MOA, compliments of Sponge Bob Grammy Pants.

Traditionally, school doesn't start until after the holiday weekend.  This year they started the week before, which threw us off.  School felt like a cruel joke last week.  It was too hot and 9:40 isn't a school start time, it's brunch after church.  Coming out of this "holiday weekend" feels like coming out of an itchy sweater, the kind your mom  makes you wear for school photos in September.  This week is the real deal.  Even the weather is cooperating, highs in the mid 60s low 70s.   I'll keep the back to school photos from last week, but that is it.

Almost Gone

Waves...fake waves through the filter of a baby monitor..can be surprisingly soothing.  I should be writing furiously or furiously editing photos...doing something furiously, while Liam takes his afternoon nap.  Instead I sit here drifting off to the sound of a fake ocean.  Everyone is out of the house, cramming in last minute summer fun, which leaves me to my own summer fun. A quiet house, an early afternoon beer, no cooking or cleaning and the giddy anticipation of my girlfriends coming over later for drinks on our new deck.  

Liam says the deck was the best part of the summer

The best part of the summer for me?

waking up on the farm

Everything about being on the farm.




Annika wearing great grandpa's red hoodie....

Pretty scarves to cover summer hair (who wants to do their hair on a hot day?)

The naked legs and feet of all my girls...my mom, Annika and Autumn.  Their laughter as they desperately attempt to get their feet in the line of the cool air conditioning.

Backyard storming chasing with baby boy and my honey.  

 

I'm a fall girl, so much so I named my first born Autumn.  And right now, choked by the end of summer stifling heat and humidity, it is tempting to lock myself in my house, turn up the ac and ride out the rest of the summer.  But then I would miss the transition.  The canning of pickles, green beans, salsa and jam.  School supply shopping, new backpacks, shoes and art supplies.  Spreading out the gear the night before to label everything with a new Sharpie (can we talk about how addictive Sharpies are?) The last month for sundresses, flip flops and barefoot walks with our Swissy.  Yes better to brave the summer's last assault...face it head on and beat it back with one more tube of watermelon lip gloss!!

One of the "inner circle" just sent me a text..."Sparkly Tracy."  She is having an impromptu end of summer bbq...true story. It's a sign from summer, an invitation to don my pigtails and the blue cotton dress I just bought on clearance (end of summer sales you know...75% off!)  

Off I go, baby in one arm, camera in the other, to sit one last time in the late, late afternoon sun, drinking and laughing with friends.

Summer's almost gone
Summer's almost gone
Almost gone
Yeah, it's almost gone
Where will we be
When the summer's gone? 

The Doors